Being Momma Spinesplitter

Picking a Path

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:41:56 GMT

Sod it.

I'm doing it.

If I don't have a pop now, I'll find myself sitting in a chair 20 years hence, watching Eastenders and wondering what the f*ck happened.

I'm going to finish up my contract, form an umbrella limited company with my more relaxed other half, take on the conversation recorder division from my boss, help Andy set up the electrical safety business, work what after this afternoon became 6 days a month - 4 for my soon to be ex-company as a consultant, and 2 days directly for my soon to be ex-boss as a consultant on a very cool (but currently must be secret) project.

I'm then going to flex my address book fu and network like the corporate whore I can't help being, and try to convince other companies they need me to kill their overheads.

While all this is going on, I'm going to bug the crap out of some of my business associates for access to their associates, and generally bust my ass in the persuit of a government R&D grant for my crazy little invention.

Oh yes, and I'm going to finish my second book (for charity), and hopefully whore out some articles on the back of it. I may even keep my promise and do a little bit of volunteer mentoring for young lasses on the Prince's Trust Youth Business programme.

Yes, It's going to be busy. Yes, it's going to be mad. Yes, it's going to be economically uncertain. But I'm going to love every lunatic, back-of-a-fag-packet, pants-on-head-bonkers minute of it.

And if I haven't got a halfway decent living out of it in 7 months time, when my existing consultancy work dries up, then I'll go back to reality and sell engineering or pharmaceuticals again.

It may end in glory, it may end in corporate 9-to-5 mundanery again, but my boss was right today in the car. I'm an entrepreneur, and no amount of pretending it's a dirty work is going to change my personality or my skill-set. If I'm not on my toes, I lose my patience.

I'm going out (of my mind?). I may be some time.

Confusion Reigns Supreme

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:24:43 GMT

Well...the last couple of weeks have been an insane blur of general confusion.

I'm going to cut-tag what could be a long and complex post, but if you have 10 minutes, I would appreciate your input.

It all started when the MD and I had a meeting about a week and a half ago. I haven't posted before now, as I wanted to make sure the stakeholders in this (my staff, family, key clients etc) were told properly and had the chance to let it sink in and give me chance to cover the awkward questions, like other peoples' job security and the direction of the company, before making it public.

The plan is to restructure the business, getting rid of all the stuff we do that isn't profitable, and refocussing on the key areas.

Unfortunately, this means that, by making this decision, we've effectively made me redundant, as without all these random odds and ends, there's not an awful lot to manage that isn't already covered by the team leaders. I've put procedures and plans in place that take the real creative thinking and strategic elements out of my job description - as it's all done.

I know that this state of affairs would cause a fair few people some problems, but I seem to be in the midst of an over-abundance of options.

Firstly, I have 3-4 months before I actually need to leave, although we've negotiated a deal whereby if I get a an offer I want to take, we'll both be flexible on how I go about taking it, so I'm not going to be on the dole next week.

My choices, as I see them, are as follows:

1) I get another job. Much as the world's going crazy about the increasing unemployment lines, in my sector and skill-area, I've found over 100 jobs in the last 2 days available in the local area alone. In that regard, there is a sliding scale of remuneration and how much of my soul and family life I'm prepared to compromise. At one end of the scale, there's the spiritually rewarding little projects that will earn around £25k a year with lots of free time, and at the other end, there's busting my arse 60 hours a week and living in airport lounges, but pulling £60k a year. Somewhere in the middle of these extremes, there's a fair few reasonable options.

2) Andy's told the boss of his intention not to renew his contract when it comes up at the end of December. He's going to be running his own electrical testing business, doing what he's trained to do in the last couple of years. He's already got a couple of customers lined up, so that will cover some of the living expenses.

3) The boss has offered us both part of the business that he would otherwise be closing. I've done the maths, and it would be worth accepting conceptually, although it won't pay the bills on it's own. It will involve a few hours per week, and will bring in a reasonable amount of part-time income. There's no outlay, as he'd be giving it to us gratis in exchange for servicing existing customers' tech support (mainly by email) and warranty issues. It isn't going to make us rich, but it is a gift horse, and it's a good deal. It'll solve a problem for him, and provide us with a little background security.

4) I considered interim management or more specifically, business consultancy. I've a CV with a strong track record of making companies money, and saving companies money, all with an ethical standpoint. Hell, I got so into it, I wrote a book on it! Here's where it gets complicated, but bear with me!

a) I spent last weekend flexing my Google-Fu and having a look at the consultancy market, and came to the conclusion that I couldn't write a quote for the figures these guys are charging with a straight face. On top of that, I'm questioning whether I can compete in the market in terms of the age, experience and gravitas that the age and time served brings.

b) I then spoke to a good friend who has experience of working with consultants and he got me really fired up to do it, pointing out that my track record is compelling and running me through a basic business concept - I offer companies a free consultation, where I take a look at the books and give them a proposal - how much I can save them, how long I think the consultancy will take and what it will cost them, keeping the estimates nice and conservative. I then tell them that if I don't make recommendations that will measureably provide them with that amount of cost savings, then they owe me nothing. If they want to go ahead, I deliver the recommendations in a report, and invoice them. They can then take the report and implement the action plan within it themselves, or sign the contract at the back of the report, giving me authorisation to project manage the recommended actions, at a lower daily rate than the consultancy. We came up with the idea of me offering a couple of 'dummy runs' for free to charities I'm involved with and companies that friends of mine own. They would then provide testamonials to show that what I'm offering works.

c) The next day, I took the idea to my boss for a bit of friendly careers advice. He spent the next half-hour trying to talk me out of it, saying that the market was hideously competitive and that it would be a real up-hiller. Then, at the end, he offered to propose me to the Institute of Directors (you need a sponsor to get a membership), and pay my first years' fees to help me network, introduce me to all the directors in his address book that I don't already know, and offered me a contract - project managing for him 1 day a week for 6 months, at over 40% more than my current daily rate. Way to confuse me even more!

I don't know what to do. At the moment, I'm working on all the ideas, and I'm leaning towards options 3 and 4, with a possible couple of sidelines into trying to sell some freelance articles into some magazines, and maybe even working on the invention I've had playing around in the back of my mind for a year or so - applying for an R&D grant or trying to sell it to a relevant company and then working with them on it. I can think of a few that might want it and might be happy to sign a non-disclosure agreement to facilitate some talking.

At the end of the day, I have no idea. I feel like Lucy, going through the wardrobe, and finding this whole other space with a wonderful sense of expectation, but lots of strange paths, the direction of each being an unknown quantity.

Well, that's life this week on planet Downey. Anyone got any sage advice, by any chance?

Ageing Rockers of the World Unite!!!!

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:48:49 GMT

OK...Alice Cooper is playing Sheffield on the last Saturday in November, and Nottingham on 4th December.

Who wants to come?

I WILL be booking tickets on Sunday as I want to go come hell or high water, so if you want in on this, let me know soon.

It's Finally Over

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:04:08 GMT

Well, the letter hit the mat this morning.

I'm a war pensioner.

It feels a bit odd, having convinced myself I was going to get a rejection letter.

So, the good stuff is.....

I'm now allowed to see a chiropractor privately.
I'm being given some money to pay for this.
I can cancel my prescription direct debit, as I have a veteran's exemption certificate for any prescription that's connected with my disability (which is all of them)
I'm getting the house insulated, and it's going to be free as it's considered that a warm house is an important part of keeping me mobile.

I've been given an interim assessment, which means that they think I'm not too bad now, but may get worse in the future, which sounds about right. This means that if/when it does get worse, I can contact them and ask for a re-assessment, and they will adjust things accordingly.

This is all good and important stuff, but I just need to deal with the stuff in my head about being disabled and a pensioner aged 31. I know that nothing's changed about who I am, but it just feels a little odd.

A First Review!

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:58:15 GMT

Well, my piece turned up in the newspaper today, which was OK, if a little bit scewed by an interviewer who clearly finds aeroplanes more interesting than economics (there's a shock!)

The podcast went out, too. There are a couple of cringeworthy moments, but it's otherwise OK.

http://video.jpress.co.uk/editorial/YPOS/soundbite-oct13c.mp3

BTW, does anyone know how to download and save a podcast to a computer, rather than just stream it. I'd kind of like to keep a copy, but I've tried following the directions on the website, and I can't seem to get an option that says 'save target as' when I right-click - am I being a luddite again?

Book Signing

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 08:30:37 GMT

It happened.

It was actually quite good, I think.

Around 20-ish people turned up, so not embarrassing.

I forgot my notes and made my speech up. I don't think I rambled or said 'erm' too much. I think what I actually siad might have been a little better than reading my notes. It's hard to be objective about these things.

I didn't take any of my meds to facilitate having a couple of drinks, and so this morning has been painful - it took me half an hour to stretch out to the point where I could get out of bed, but it was worth it, and I still made it to work on time.

What truly made the evening was the efforts a lot of people went to in order to be there. The wonderful Mr Southern booked time off work and drove up from Nottingham, my sister came all the way over from Manchester on the train, straight from work having dropped her son off with my other sister.

Extreme behaviour of the night had to come from Migget and Ruth though - who turned up as a surprise, having driven up from London to be there. I had to pick my chin up off the floor when they walked in! A couple of glasses of wine in the ever-pleasant Whitelocks in Leeds ensued, and I think a good evening was had by all.

Thanks to everyone who came, send good luck messages, and who were just generally supportive. I'll let you all know when the podcast goes out.

An Invitation/Shameless Plug!

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:44:58 GMT

You may or may not know that I have a book signing for my book at Waterstones in Leeds on 8th October (next Thursday).

It starts between 6 and 6.30pm, at:

Waterstones
93-97 Albion St
Leeds, LS1 5AP

You'll be very welcome to pop by, bring a friend or two if you like, and join me for a drink afterwards as well if you'd like.

I appreciate that this is probably too far to come for a few of you, but the offer's there! If you'd like to come, please let me know so I can give Waterstones a rough idea of numbers (it's free of course).

The book's website is here: www.rejectrecession.co.uk to find out a bit more.
Anyway, hope you're all well.

So...the Gathering then....

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:44:00 GMT

In the traditionally accepted style....

Hot:

1) The 95th - what a truly superb bunch of roleplayers. I love you guys and gals to bits. Welcome and thanks also to the 3 new members who seemed to have caught the bug at their first LT event. You all did incredibly well, so welcome to Private Function, Private Party and Private Lapdance!

2) The Sunday battle against the Okari. Not playing a combat character, I didn't expect to enjoy this much - I wanted to take the field with the unit, but having a finite number of spells and one small dagger leaves very little to do! It was, however, a fantastic fight. Watching Andy's (very manly and heroic) frenetic combat in the way he did when we first met, combined with watching the newbies in their first big melee fight was a joy to watch, and I found plenty to do dragging out the wounded and generally keeping an eye out.

3) Doing my first ritual. I was utterly petrified! The quality of rituals in the faction is so high, that I couldn't help but be intimidated. It's a credit to all the ritualists in the faction offering help, support and advice without trying to take over or control it in any way that I felt able to get in the circle at all. However, the old hands who gave me advice were right, I loved it as soon as we got about a minute in, and it was a hell of a rush that hung about for hours afterwards. The contributors were fantastic, and we got a score that was above anything we were expecting, and a result in excess of what we were hoping for. This was helped no end by all the folk who came to watch and laughed themselves silly.

4) Rituals with the Faculty - especially 'Goblin Safari'. My left shoulder will take a while to stop hurting after carrying said goblin for a 'lap of honour', but it was worth it for the response from the audience.

5) The Vipers - yet again we were all made hugely welcome, involved from the get-go, and continue to develop some great friendships, both IC and OOC. Lesser people would have made jealous comments after the ritual results came in, but there wasn't a bit of it - only heartfelt happiness and congratulations.

6) Zombie lap dancing and all the other stuff that went on at the wake - Reece managed to break us with his character's dying wish, and the way he played it. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, and not in the way you'd commonly associate with character death!

7) Saving a tiny corner of Erdreja, and proving that even daft pixies can be useful sometimes - just ask the Scout's Guild!

8) Getting all of the skills sorted that I really wanted this year - even the tricky ones.

9) Getting back to campfire and tent singing. Now all we need are some 95th songs, which will be a job for the winter.

10) The baked potato place - they've filled the gap in the market for good hot food that isn't another bloody burger which was left by the departure of the Banqueting Club - does anyone know what happened to them?

Not:

1) The damned wind - which meant we couldn't use the extension tent for the alchemy lab/brothel/meeting room as we'd hoped. This put a bit of a dampener of some people's RP as we didn't have the space to run some of the activities.

2) The toilets. I've been coming to events for 10 years, and this was the worst I've ever seen the loos. The Vipers had a total of 3 toilets for the entire faction, and they were unusable for more than half the event as they were full. They were beyond digusting and into the realms of a serious health hazard.

3) Group packs consisting of a small amount of IC money pressed into group leaders' hands on the Monday morning. There were no lists of pre-books, so no-one knows if they have been correctly calculated. Pre-book deadline is almost 2 months before the event, so it's not like the LT are unaware of when the Gathering is or what the group packs should contain. This was dreadful organisation, and put the faction NPCs put in a ridiculous position, and does nothing to change the view that the LT doesn't care about quality any more. Group packs used to be available on the first day of the event. What are people supposed to do with them on the last day?

4) Having to return to event control 3 times to get correctly printed lammies following our ritual. Again, the quality of administration within the LT comes up, which appears to be on a very steep downward curve.

5) The premise for the Monday battle. None of us saw a need to go, and the LT's insistence on running a mass combat on the Monday regardless of whether there is any need for it is getting more trite and ridiculous by the year.

All in all, a really good event. I'm starting to see that both retiring House Soulsplitter and joining the Vipers was the best thing we could have done.

Finally...

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:41:05 GMT

It's sorted.

My book has finally made it through the several thousands steps of beaurocratic nonsense that make up Waterstone's administrative system.

This means that the book can now be ordered at every branch of Waterstones, certainly in the UK, and probably worldwide.

This also means that, on 8th October, I will be signing copies at Waterstones Leeds. This is either going to be embarrassing, fun or completely petrifying, depending on how many people turn up.

If any of you Yorkshire based folk want to come, let me know, so I have an idea of numbers. Otherwise, photos shall be taken for the purpose of pointing and laughing later.

Summer Moot

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 12:56:00 GMT

So...in traditional fashion (and also because I'm too lazy to write in proper sentences!), please find below my 'hot and not' from the weekend's event:

Hot:

- Ritualising with both the Faculty and the Gypsies. Lots of variety, ideas, experience and some really fantastic roleplay from all involved. Thanks for the learning curve!
- Clinic finally experiencing 'clarity'. Thanks for thinking of me, lads, I really felt involved. It's stuff like that that is giving this character 3 dimensions!
- Apple Crumble ice-cream
- Campfire singing with the 95th, the Faculty, and anyone else who fancied joining in!
- Finally, after so many years in the beverage wilderness, palatable beer in the beer tent!
- Beautiful weather
- Generally feeling comfortable, welcome and valued in the faction
- Watching the 'duelling' plot on Saturday. Most impressive.
- Lala the tent pole-related lifesaver!

Not:

- The damp-induced pain on Friday, which thankfully eased on the Saturday with the nice weather, but which didn't bode well for LRPing in bad weather until I can get some treatment or some sort of resolution. The painkillers weren't even making a dent in it.
- The mud. It made everything that little bit more tricky.
- Coming to the realisation that I spend about a third of my character points and over half my OSPs on something that I'll use for 20 minutes per year if I'm lucky.
- The lack of people and traders, made more obvious my the huge patches of empty space and the insane distances to walk through acres of nothing to get from camp to camp.
- The low numbers of members of the unit, as well as friends from the faction and further afield.

All in all, a good, but very quiet, event.

5 Words Mk 2

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:53:17 GMT

Spiraltower presented me with the following:

Rapture

Thanks to my childhood, my mind is immediately drawn to the religious context of the word, and also to long conversations with my father on theological matters. The pre or post-tribulation rapture conversation covered several phone calls and a couple of beers. More than anything, this has reminded me how much I appreciate in-depth chats with my dad about anything from curret affairs to the application of biblical principles.

Outrage

I'm trying to do this by typing in the first thing that comes into my head, and the two concepts competing for space is Outrage the clothing company that makes lovely clothes in ridiculously tiny sizes, most of which I will never be able to wear, and the feeling of sheer righteous indigation. It's a tricky concept, and one that I'm too used to. I see outrage as a ver angry feeling when something in the world just doesn't fit with my concept of what is fair.

Ambition

I've never seen myself as hugely ambitious, but I am very focussed. For me, it's all about what I achieve for me, than where it leads or what the net result from an external perspective turns out to be. I guess ambition would be 'I want to win awards for my music/cooking/vetetales/fill in the blank', and focus would be 'I want to make a really great chutney/write a song that fits x situation/have a working vegetable garden'.

Triumph

Again, we have competing thoughts - really great classic motorbikes, no-nonsense bras and the feeling that usually follows successful completion of the above. It's not a word that I particularly use, although there's no reason why. It's a feeling I usually reserve for winning arguments!

Waste

I loathe waste. Whether it's a waste of potential, ideas, life or material things, I grew up with the idea that waste was a shameful thing. I throw very little away, preferring to find an alternative use for whatever it is or passing it along to someone else who can.

If anyone else would like to play, comment and I'll task you with 5 words!

5 Words Meme

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:43:46 GMT

Oryctolagus gave me:

Red, LRP, Music, Gardening, Naughty

Red is my favourite colour. It's warm, vibrant, dynamic, and it makes me feel energised. Randomly, it's also a colour that seems to suit me, so long as it's a cool, blue-based red, and not orangey-brick red. It's cheerful. If I'm having a day when I'm feeling low in confidence, old, frumpy, sick or whatever, then a slick of red lipstick, a red shirt or jacket can make all the difference. The fact that House Soulsplitter's colours were red and black was purely coincidental. We had a vote and that's what people seemed to have most of and liked the look of.

LRP is a perculiar hobby. I've been doing it for around 10 years now, and it combines so many of the things I love to do with my spare time that it's sort of an ideal hobby for me. I love being outdoors, camping, music, play-fighting, theatre, games, meeting new people and campfires. I've also been known to like drinking and staying up too late setting the world to rights. All of these things I get to combine. After 9 years of playing a havy combat character, and knowing that can no longer physically manage with the running around in heavy armour, I didn't know whether I would still enjoy it with the combat involvement removed. However, it's probably the best thing I could have done. After so long playing one system, I'm now playing with a completely different part of it, and it's reinvigorated my enjoyment of the hobby. It's total escapism for me - a weekend away from work and the trappings of modern life.

Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I don't have a favourite genre, just the right genre for the right time. I love metal, industrial, folk, jazz, opera, classical, blues, musicals, soul, rock, punk and just about everything in between in equal measure. Music has a huge effect on my emotions, and my life has always had a soundtrack. The right piece at the right time can bring me to tears or make me laugh out loud. It's a primal form of communication, and it resonates with us on so many levels.

Gardening is my newest hobby, and I'm addicted. I love the smell of the plants, the feel of the earth between my fingers and the satisfaction of eating your own produce or watching plants you've nurtured grow. It fulfils my need to be outdoors and physically active. My garden is a haven for me and, after a day of numbers, computers and business, there's nothing more relaxing and healing than switching off the grey cells and getting an hour's worth of hard physical graft or just gentle weeding in. I'm particularly proud of my asparagus, rocket and honeysuckle. I've never been any good at 'making things', so this is the next best thing.

Naughty - this is a tricky one, and I'm not sure why she selected it. I could cheat and say that it is the name of my favourite suit designers, which would be technically true but a bit of a cop-out! It is a very good word, and follows my affinity for 'children's words'. I'm normally so tied to the rules in life, so breaking out occasionally and doing something naughty is a bit of a guilty pleasure! I'm usually better at coming up with evil schemes than actually doing anything about them, though!

If anyone else would like to play, comment and I'll task you with 5 words!

RIP Mike Mitchell AKA Solstice

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 08:08:44 GMT

I'm not going to say anything flowery at this point - my vocabulary is currently escaping me, so I'm just going to repost what I've picked up from (First Aid) Tom and Mike's Facebook page:

This was posted on Mike's Facebook page - I am reposting for those who don't have access:

Hi,

I am extremely sorry to have to tell everyone that Mike was killed yesterday morning by a train at Stevenage Station.

My name is Aengus Stewart and I have worked with Mike at CRUK for the last 12 years. His sister Nicky Clayton and the British Transport Police rang me this morning to tell me so that work knew.

While I have gone to the pub with Mike probably once a week for forever and he has talked at length about cross-country pantomime, I dont know any of the people he was involved with and I thought that this might be the best way of reaching his other friends.

At the moment I dont know when the funeral is, but I believe it will be in Cambridge and will post the date and time here when his sister informs me.

This is my email address aengus.stewart@gmail.com

Aengus

Well..At Least That's Over With

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 08:35:18 GMT

The medical is done. I'm not entirely sure why they call it a medical. 'Chat' is probably a better word for it.

After around 40 minutes of waiting in a room that resembled a prison visitor's waiting room, trying to avoid using the most purgatorial chairs imaginable, I was called in.

I have to apologise for my prior thoughts on the 'healthcare professionals'. I shouldn't sit in judgement before the event. I was greeted by a very pleasant, chatty lady who used to be a GP. At some point between random chat and trying to explain to her the vocabulary used in the military medical reports, we went through how I hurt myself in the first place, how the present trouble started, and a barrage of questions concerning what I can and can't do.

I'm not sure if I got everything across, but I think she got the general idea. The only element of this that involved anything resembling a medical examination was her running her fingers down my spine, asking me to try to touch my toes (which exacted the comment 'of course I can touch my toes, it's the afternoon'!), and getting me to lie on the couch and do a couple of straight leg lifts, followed by a quick reflex check. I'm not sure what this proves.

I have no idea what happens from here, other than that I'll be waiting to hear from the Veteran's Agency, and see what happens from there.

Am I Just Getting Arsey In My Old Age?

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 08:45:40 GMT

And so, the descent into the state of mind known as 'grumpy old woman' continues...

I have my military veteran's medical this afternoon. They already have my back up.

Firstly, I shall be seen by a 'healthcare professional'. Not a doctor. Not a physiotherapist. Not a nurse or nurse practitioner. Of course not. That would be common sense. No, I will see a 'healthcare professional'. Why do I get the impression that this means I'm seeing an MoD accountant who someone gave a white coat to?

I guess I already feel judged. The medical is taking place at the DSS exam centre. This is the place where they send anyone 'on the sick' to try to prove they're swinging the lead. I object to this. I'm not trying to claim any social security benefits. I work and I pay my taxes and national insurance contributions, and have since the age of 18, thankyou very much. I don't want to sit at home and live off the state, I just want some help to pay for the medical treatment my GP tells me I need but the NHS refuses to pay for. I know it's just a convenient building with all the facilities, but I can't help but feel that I'm being 'lumped in' with people trying to swing the system.

I almost wish I had something more visible to show. I've been warned by several friends that I need to 'do the opposite of what comes naturally and don't tell them it's all fine and that you manage'. This in itself makes me feel uncomfortable. I DO manage, with most things, most of the time - it's just difficult at times. I CAN drive, but not for longer than an hour or so without a break. I CAN go to the theatre or cinema, so long as we sit at the back and I can get up and walk up and down at the back when my hip seizes halfway through. I CAN do the housework, so long as Andy puts the bins out and carries the hoover upstairs, and so long as I do it in little bits. I CAN still LRP - I just don't go to winter camping events and don't play a combat character any more. It's just that I would have to make less adjustments if I got regular chiropractic treatment - which the NHS won't fund as it's treatment, not a cure.

However, if I go in there and say that, they're going to focus on the fact that I can do these things, not the fact that to do them hurts like buggery and if I get treatment, it might not hurt so much. This ridiculous system is encouraging people to focus on the negative and generally rewards whinging. It annoys me.

Right - grump over, and back to work!

Kitteh Dilemma

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:57:58 GMT

Rhino has finally met his match, in the form of a feral stray unneutered tom who has invaded the neighbourhood.

He keeps coming into the house, nicking Rhino's food and beating him up. On the occasions where Rhino takes a beating, he ends up with Cellulitis, which is another £80 and an upset, sulking cat after the inevitable course of injections.

I called the Cat's Protection League, to be told that they have no available resources and can't help. I don't want to call the RSPCA because I'm worried they'll just put the poor little fella down. He doesn't mean to be a menace, he's just lonely and hungry. However, I can't take him in. Rhino's petrified of him and he's making his life a misery.

I'd leave him food outside, but I'm worried it'l just encourage him to be round here more.

My choices are basically as follows:

1) Call the RSPCA and hope they don't put the poor fella down.
2) Feed him outside the house and hope Rhino gets used to it.
3) Try and catch him, put him in the cat carier and stick him in the car. Drive him out to the country and release him into the wild, where he'll have a better chance of fending for himself and less urban dangers.

What would you guys do?

A Legal Dilemma...

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:11:55 GMT

While weeding the garden this morning, I came across some mushrooms.

Being a country bumpkin, I immediately recognised them for what they were - liberty caps, otherwise known as magic mushrooms.

They grow wild all over the area where I grew up, and are pretty common in certain conditions, so this isn't unusual. The weird thing is that the law changed a couple of years ago so, while it only used to be illegal to prepare them (drying, cooking etc), or to sell them in their prepared state, it's now illegal to pick them and possess the raw mushrooms. It isn't illegal to grow them, otherwise most cumbrian farmers would be breaking the law by owning a meadow.

Now, I'm pretty sure that no-one's going to charge me with a drugs offence for digging them up, shoving them in a carrier bag and putting them in the bin before the cat did himself a mischief, so that's what I did.

However, the fact remains that what I did was technically illegal, and punishable by up to 7 years in prison, as they are now considered a class A substance.

How does the new law affect druids who use them as part of certain ceremonies, and how does it affect gardeners? How daft is the law?

Discuss!

Tightlacing and clothing

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 21:48:16 GMT

OK, I've done a lot of work on my core muscles, and my lower abs are really getting impressive.

Howevr, I've considered giving my stomach and lower back muscles a helping hand to see if it reduces the discomfort. To that end, I'm thinking about whether wearing my corsets more often would help. Provided I still keep up the work on my muscle structure, I can't see the harm.

Does anyone have any knowledge or experience of whether tightlacing might help by providing some support?

Also, a lot of my corsets are under bust. A lot of the tops you can buy to wear under corsets are lace, mesh or similarly see-through. This is obviously a bad idea with corsets that stop under your boobs.

So, does anyone know where I can buy under-corset tops that you can't see through?

I haven't stopped smoking. Honest Guv!

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:29:26 GMT

OK, I have come to the conclusion that there's nothing that makes me want to spark up more than the thought of quitting smoking.

I've smoked for 17 years. I smoke A LOT. I think about sparking up half an hour after I put one out. Hell, in times of extreme stress, I can reduce a superking to ash in 4 drags.

I use all the lines: 'Giving up's for quitters', 'It is big and it is clever', you name it.

I'm an intelligent human being. I am acutely aware how much money smoking costs me. Around £1300 a year. If I smoked ready-mades all the time, that would easily be £2000. I know that, objectively speaking, I get nothing for that. I know what smoking does to my body. I know I'm risking every cancer known to man, destroying my teeth (cosmetically and physically), making mincemeat of my lungs, you name it.

I know any rational person would stop.

However, I keep telling myself I enjoy it. What's more, the more people get on my case to quit, the more I want to tell them to shag off, and the more I'm determined not to quit.

So, I'm not quitting. I have, however, bought one of these:

http://www.intellicig.com/evolution-starter-kits-c-21.html

It (and the few refil bits I bought) represent the best £40 I've spent that I can remember. I've tried nicotine replacement products before,but I've found they range from utterly vile through to next to useless. This, I enjoy as much as having a cigarette.

It's smoking, but without the tar, carbon monoxide, yellow teeth and fingers, bad breath and all the other negatives. It's cheaper (maybe a quid a day), cleaner, doesn't leave burn marks when I'm clumsy, and I can do it anywhere - my office, trains, planes, pubs - entirely legally. It affects no-one else.

So, in this instance, smoking really is big and it really is clever!

The beauty of it is, I've fooled my brain. I haven't quit. I can have a cigarette anytime I want. I'd just rather have this.

Polytricks

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 10:47:33 GMT

My Dad came out with a wonderful expression.

"Politics is a latin word - from 'Poly', meaning 'many' or 'numerous' and 'tics' - blood-sucking parasites." From a vicar, that's pretty strong.

I've re-posted this from a reply I left on littlemisscowboys's journal, because it's sort of a post in it's own right.

Until this year, I'd never voted for the same party twice. I was never that interested in politics. I always just used to stick a cross in the box for whoever I thought would do a good job representing the local area, regardless of party affiliation. OK, that person has never been a member of the labour party, but I wasn't specifically against them until some of their antics in the past couple of years.

I've never liked our local MP. I guess I always knew he was a grasping two-faced crook, and I certainly knew he would say whatever he thought was popular, and then do something different when it came to parliamentary votes. A good example was making a big deal out of fighting against Post Office closures, and then voting for them in parliament.

For those who don't know, I'm a member of my local Conservative party. In fact, I'm on the executive committee. This is not out of some sort of loyalty to the tories, and they know this. I joined solely to help get rid of our current MP, because I know they are the only party capable of unseating him. The party know my mercenary reasons for doing this, and they're just happy for the assistance. As our parliamentary candidate said - we have the same goals, albeit for different reasons, so they'll take any help they can get as long as the offer's on the table.

I help out with fundraising, campaigning, marketing and research. I've been tasked with going through our MP's expenses with a fine tooth comb, in preparation for a public debate he's holding on 3rd July on the subject. He's the 10th-highest claiming MP in the UK, so this is proving a long but interesting job.

If you count palm-tops and servers, my MP has claimed for 17 computers in the last 4 years. He had a replacement boiler (same make as mine) fitted in the same year as mine, and it cost him £4400. Mine is a smaller capacity boiler from the same range, and the difference should be about £400. I had 7 radiators and a thermostat fitted at the same time, and the bill came to £2300. Miraculously, the company name he used (and the VAT details), are blacked out.

What I'm finding most interesting, however, is the amount of times he appears to have claimed his mobile phone bill, then not paid it, then claimed the whole amount again, including the overdue balance. These are not £60 monthly bills - we're talking a couple of grand in total here.

That, of course, and the big story the Telegraph ran with for mine - that he lived with his mum in London and designated his family home as his second home, then flipped after he'd done the house up on expenses.

The other thing I'm doing the sums on is the amount he's spent on printing and print supplies, against what he's recharged to the local labour party. It's going to take a lot of digging, but it looks like he's spent thousands of pounds of public money on labour party campaign materials - which is a very serious allegation.

I'm really looking forward to the debate. I want to watch a man who has appeared to treat the public purse as a slush fund for years explain how this makes him a suitable 'right honourable person' to represent us in parliament. Apparently I'm on 'asking difficult questions based on my research' duty, so I've been watching lots of Question Time to practice. The trick appears to be to keep asking the same question and ignore anything that isn't an answer to the question posed.

It's weird how this issue has hit different people in different ways. I'm interested in what amounts to fraud, and the sums of money matter. Andy just wants to line up every MP who claimed a Rememberance Day donation or wreath cost on expenses, and allow veterans to throw things at them. We're only talking a few quid here, but his view is that every MP who did this has disrespected the memory of those who gave their lives in service of the country, and deserves to be held to account be those they have wronged. It may be small change in the grand scheme of things, but I take his point.

What I don't understand is that every senior profession has clear standards. If you break those standards, you get the sack or get struck off. Why are there not clear standards for MPs? If I'd misused my expense account the way my MP has, I'd get the sack (and the boss would probably call the cops in). If my GP had done the equivalent double-dealing for her profession that our MP appears to have done, she'd be struck off. I suppose that the question of the day is quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Wow!

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 10:06:42 GMT

Just had a phone call from my distributor for the book.

I have an order in for a new print run, but they won't have stock until this is printed next week.

It went up on their Amazon marketplace yesterday, and they've had an order, so they've tapped me up for any spare copies I have.

How cool is that? That's an order on the first day!

*grin*

Grrrr...

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:22:51 GMT

On my way to work, I pass a posh private nursery. This is on a wide road, with a 40mph speed limit.

It appears that the parents dropping off their little darlings think parking their chelsea tractors directly outside, on both sides of the road, is the way forward. This morning I drove past, to be met by a BMW driver easily doing 50mph. He swerved out wide, onto my side of the road, to pass the parked cards on his side. I pulled in, clipping my wing mirror against the wing mirror of one of the parked cars.

It really annoys me that I was under the speed limit and watching where I was going, but the driver behaving like a knob wasn't the one knocking on the nursery door to apologise and swap details. I know it's only 2 wing mirrors, and even they weren't that bad (new glass and covers as opposed to all new wing mirrors), but it's annoying none the less.

However, I've seen a dozen or so similar near-misses in the last few months. Should I contact the council about the parking problem (ie the parents parking on each side of the road)?

What would you do?

I Can Haz Website - and Lettuce!

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:51:42 GMT

Well, thanks to the wonderful and talented ginger ninja Will, Here's a sneak preview of my almost-finished website for the book:

www.rejectrecession.co.uk

Come and take a look, all comments gratefully accepted, whether positive or negative - help me make it better!

In other news, tonight we had the first lettuce from the veggie patch for dinner. It was very good (well, it was an organic lettuce fresh out of the ground - it's hard to critique lettuce, really.) There's something really awesome about having dinner that you grew yourself.

The website gets launched tomorrow, so I guess the book will be properly out there and official.

Memeage, piked from Menacing Dancer

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:50:50 GMT

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?.

Eeek!

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:15:48 GMT

And...

http://www.amazon.fr/exec/obidos/ASIN/0956153704/ref=nosim/bookfinder4u-21

http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/ASIN/0956153704/ref=nosim/bookfinderf05-21

http://www.pickabook.co.uk/moredetails.aspx?ISBN=0956153704&source=aw&awid=27631

The problem is, if anyone orders it, it can't currently be fulfilled. I guess I can run dual distribution - it's just going to get complicated!

I'm putting a target of 10 days for the website and direct distribution buying channels, then it's all systems go!